Shark Attack

Shark's Poison Ivy is getting worse. She admitted to making it spread on purpose. We quarantined her to her room yesterday. Today, she is set on making my day horrible. She probably had too much time to 'think' yesterday and today she is living out her plans ON ME!!

She has been constantly showing me her "spots", crying because they hurt, and up in my face telling me that she now has it in her eyes and telling me it is my job to do something about it. It seems that she only is blatantly rude to me when we are alone. She is making me feel like I do not know how to mother her, that I am a heartless, uncaring person towards her. I have to admit, on days like today it is harder to show her love but I DO LOVE HER. She is hurting!! I sometimes want to think that she does not know what she is doing. She acts so innocent when I ask her "why". I leave the room thinking "Am I crazy?"

Then, reality hits and I know that I must deal with behavior with behavioral consequences. I must remove my feelings of doubt, my feeling of fear, and my feeling of wanting to comfort this child who is intentionally hurting herself to gain attention. I must stay strong, pray, abide in Christ and rely on His strength to lift me up. I have to seek His Wisdom. It is not time to give up, I am going to show this child that I will not leave her, that I will not hurt her, and that I not giving up on her NO MATTER WHAT. I am going to love her even if she is choosing not to accept the love.

Wow, it sounds easy as I write those statements but reality is that parenting her is one of the hardest things I have done in my life. She has caused me to question my parenting skills, question my ability to love, and even broken me into tears over thoughts and feelings that I have had relating to her. I have realized that I am not all that I thought I was. I have realized that needed her to teach me a deeper way to love. I am realizing that with Christ - I am the Mother she needs.

Lord, give me Your Wisdom and Strength for each moment. Help me to know how to help her. Heal her Lord I pray.

Shark, RAD Child, has Poison Ivy

A few days ago, Shark came to me complaining about her leg itching. I put some cream on it and sent her on her way. The next day, the "itch" had spread. Later in the day, the nurse that helps with Octopus, told me that it was Poison Ivy.

Therefore, we started treating it keeping in mind that Shark may intentionally make this spread to get attention. I tried not making an issue about it by letting her put the cream on the rash. The nurse told her that if it spread a lot she would have to go to the doctor and get "very painful shots with a long needle".

Well, 3 days later, it is spreading!! I am making sure she is putting the cream on it but I honestly KNOW that she is spreading this on purpose. Grrr! I just don't know how to handle this. It amazes me that she wants to be itching and in pain just to get attention. I don't know what else to do!?! It hurts me to see her hurting. Tonight, she was crying when I told her to just sit on her bed with her shirt off until the cream dried. I know crying is part of her ploy, but it is hard to walk away from a 9 year old who is hurting not just because of a rash but because of all the pain INSIDE her.

Going to bed praying that the Poison Ivy dries up soon before Shark thinks of 'sharing' it with her sibling or even me !!

Octopus Making Progress

We have had a nurse in our home for just over a week. I had mixed emotions about having a nurse come in our home to help me care for Octopus. It was a struggle for me to admit that I could not be everything to everybody in our family. I had to come to the realization that I needed some help caring for Octopus and that she needed someone other than me to assist her.
Up until 2 months ago, we were getting along fine. However, when Octopus started having seizures and her skills regressed, I was finding it harder and harder to keep her safe, and meet the needs of Captain and our other children. The seizures caused Octopus to have problems eating that resulted in her not chewing her food, swallowing whole bites, and getting choked. She lost the skill to swallow small bites of food which resulted in her over-stuffing her mouth. Therefore, mealtime alone took her 55 minutes or more with me supervising each bite she put in her mouth. When her feeding therapist started working with her, we switched to pureed foods. Now, Octopus is eating one solid meal a day and working on feeding herself pureed foods; so that, she can join the family again at mealtime. We really miss her at our table.
In just over a week with the assistance of the nurse, Octopus has learned to fed herself a solid meal and not get choked. She completed her meal tonight in less than 45 minutes and didn't aspirate or get choked. Woo-Hoo !!
Not only have I seen progress with meals, but her verbalisation's are up, she is interacting more with her siblings, and she is regaining some of the skills that she lost.
The best news of all came today! I walked in the house to find Octopus sitting on the potty. NO ONE TOLD HER TO GO POTTY!!! She pooped, washed her hands and left the bathroom with only one verbal prompt from me to "turn the water off". As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I realized that I had done the right thing by allowing a nurse in our home. Octopus is making progress without me involved every minute and that is okay. It is not about ME anyway. It is about what is best for her and right now a nurse is what is best for her and for our family.
Thank you "Nurse"!! We welcome you in our home and all of us are blessed to have you.